Part One - Most men don't have a life
Manhood and Masculinity Blog Posts Series
For many men, life can seem like a burden. After all, traditionally, we're expected to be the breadwinners while also fulfilling our day-to-day responsibilities and obligations. On top of that, with modern media constantly bombarding us with visuals of perfection and success, it can feel overwhelming (and sometimes impossible) to try and measure up. But not having a life isn't a foregone conclusion - there are ways we can proactively work towards achieving our goals for ourselves in order to have an overall more meaningful existence. In this blog posts series, I'm going to explore the advantages and disadvantages of the traditional model of "masculinity," why most men don't have a life, and provide practical advice on how modern men can be the best version of themselves, both as individuals and in their relationships with others.
Part One - Most men don't have a life
There are a few key reasons why many men feel they don't have a life. With modern society being dominated by the work culture, more and more time is being spent at the office or working from home. This lack of balance between work and leisure results in men feeling like there is not enough time to take care of things that truly make us happy. On top of that, traditional gender roles often dictate different standards for what makes a successful life. It's difficult for many men to access the resources necessary to fulfill these standards, and as a result, we can easily become overwhelmed and disheartened when life feels stagnant or unfulfilling. Ultimately, with both social pressures and external expectations playing a role in how men measure success, it can be hard not to fall into the trap of feeling like we don't have any control over our lives.
As a result, men often resort to putting up an outer show of protection as a defense mechanism. However, this behavior can also prevent us from discovering who we really are and from allowing ourselves to be truly happy. In order for men to be able to break down barriers built up through years of hiding behind walls constructed out of fear and insecurity, it is important that we give ourselves permission and make the effort to uncover who we truly want to be.
Men have the potential for great joy and passion, but without the guidance of an involved father figure, it can often be hard for us to access those positive emotions.
It is no secret that the relationship between a young man and his father is an incredibly important one. A strong father-son bond can have many positive effects in helping to raise a well-balanced, successful adult. It teaches boys how to interact with other men in respectful and appropriate ways, as well as imparting the value of honesty, integrity, and hard work from their mentors. Furthermore, a close relationship between father and son can help young men learn important life lessons such as patience and understanding for themselves and others. More than anything else, having a close connection between fathers and sons supports physical and emotional health by providing much-needed love, support, guidance, and respect.
If a man lacks significant male role models that can provide an example of how to show genuine emotion, then we are likely to revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as compulsive competition or shy away from authentically expressing ourselves due to fear of being judged. This can result in loneliness and emotional timidity that pervades throughout our life and creates unnecessary difficulty in many different situations.
It is important to provide young men with the resources and support they need so they can discover the strength within themselves and properly engage with their emotions.
Many men carry around unresolved issues with their fathers, which can be detrimental to our overall mental health and well-being. Achieving a sense of inner peace is hard when unresolved issues are standing in the way, yet it is possible to work toward resolution.
In the second part, we will consider how decisions made with compassion and understanding can open pathways to forgiveness and help individuals move forward. From this perspective, healing the relationship with one's father can become an empowering process that brings optimism for the future.